Funerei

What i truly want?

2009-01-09T23:56:00.000-08:00

I been asking myself that queston

What do i truly want?

In life , i guess the answer to this question has truly adverse impact on your life

It is the answer to this that you will begin to know how to shape your life and work your life toward the goal you have to mind

Priorities in your life will keep changing but what matters is do your priorities finally you to what you want in life?

Alignment of your innerself will release the capcity within that has no limits
The sky is truly the limits

What is your plan?

To most people without a plan , everything is hard. They work without a purpose in life with no end in mind and no reason for living

I do not want to live in mediocrity

Love what you do and do what you love =)

AESC

2008-03-22T02:04:00.000-07:00

Beginning to see things in a whole perspective
Admin phrase of my course just ended and i forsee tougher days ahead
Glad that i learnt quite a number of useful skills along the way
Feel so much more free not bothering so much any more and focusing on course.
But that freedom is soon going to be gone
Sigh sigh
I shouldn't think anymore
Just focus on what is at hand and make the best of whatever i have
Kinda having a bittersweet feeling about my national service
Dreed the day i have to ask myself
"NOW WHAT?"

Although i have in mind what i want to do but still cannot imagine how much life will change in future. Just holding on to faith which seem so warmth in this dark world. So much comprehension of how things work and functions yet so helpless in helping myself.
Why or why?

Just looking forward
I will stop looking back =)

Selfish Thinking

2008-02-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

Cannot comprehend the very fact why humans are so selfish
But isn't that our human nature?
Why we all fall short of some many things

Clearly, everyone is selfish in their own ways
Be it time , money , priorities , choices and many other unlimited things
Perhaps due to the sad face that we live in a world where we are forced to be selfish

We have often tried to explain ourselves but have we found any answers?
None i tell you
All these reasons are but excuses
Simply accept the fact that you are selfish and you are the cause of it all

Stop blaming everything that happens to you
Because you had a hand in everything that happens to you
Choices you make that will determine the repercussions in future

I myself admit that i am selfish
I am I am
Of too many things that i am ashamed

I look at my current state in life and understood the harsh reality of my past actions and its repercussion on my life
All my selfish acts that seems to have backlashed at me

Memories flashback as i close my eyes
A few drops of tears hang from my eyes struggling not to fall
Suspended at an instance
Time seemed to stopped
But there was no stopping the inevitable
Smudged images as if tainted by devil himself
Yet who was the wiser to see the clearer picture?
One that was so clear at first , now disfigured by my own doings
Or one mutilated figurine of despair crying out for redemption

Fears of what the future beholds
How do i be selfless in this monger world?

Some Things On My Minds

2008-02-02T12:23:00.000-08:00

Recalling how today went by
Meet my Buddy Sean Foo for a swim at Jurong East Swimming Complex at noon
Swam a while and we just relax ourselves
Jurong East Swimming Complex was quite cool

Got a wave pool to swim in

Got a big current circle where you just need to stand on your feets and the current brings u
forwards

The adult pool was nice to swim in
i did only 2 laps and KO due to insufficant rest and all the mental torture i had through the week

There was even a funnel ride. I guess like 5 storeys high?
LOL
So so tempted to ride the funnel
But i didn't. Didn't want to leave Sean behind
Next time i guess

Sean's right leg is in quite a serious condition to to excessive running
Require surgery
Sigh
Quite worried for him
Praying that God will really heal him
Inviting him to miracle service next saturday
Just pray that God will keep the day free for both of us and really completely heal him
I believe LORD
I do
I know

After lunch @ KFC at the Swimming complex, we head to his house to shower , chill and relax before heading to Queentown for my shopping.

Brought a pair of Black and White Low Dunks for $110
Was so tempted to buy another but managed to control my spending urge
I was like on a spree to blow a hole in my wallet
LOL
Thankfully i kept my discipline

Afterwhich we head down to plaza singapura to meet Kewal for dinner
I treated sean's Dinner
I REALLY cannot stand the GST
Our meals totalled to $29.80
Service Charge 10% and GST 7% contributed $4.48
Our cost of living is seriously getting too high

After dinner, our intial plan was to go to a pub and chill and relax
In the end, both kewal and sean said they were not drinking.
I was like ..... okay... next plan then
So we finally settled on shopping
By mistake, we someone ended up on the 7th floor of plaza singapura
Cause someone didn't press our floor
So what the heck, just check the movie timing at GV and we decided
on the spot to catch a movie instead

"Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" was our choice

Front 2 row and they gave us the side seats(HORRIBLE)
If it wasn't for sean's constant annoying nagging that it is nice, i properly would have given it a pass.After buying TIX with SAFRA card $8 movie tix instead of the normal $9.5
We walked around plaza singapura to shop

I manage to buy a FOX tee for $23
Retro print
And it is in black and white
My FAVOURITE colour
Rushed to grab some popcorn and drinks before proceeding in

I was so glad that we catch such a great movie
"Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street"

I loved the singing throughout the movie.
Loved the last scene when their blood flowed onto the gaps on stoned floor
Their poses was so artistically protrayed
Loved the rage , revenge and gore of the whole movie

Definately a movie you don't want to miss
PLEASE GO WATCH IT

We all managed to catch the last train home
Wishing more days like this would come
Retail Therapy seriously helps to make me happy =)
More shopping to be done before chinese new year
=)

2008

2008-01-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

2008 started off very badly

SIGH

Dec 31 2007

2317 HRS

Location : Watchnight Service @ Lighthouse Evangelism(Tampines)

SMS from CSM

Report 0605 for Guard Duty Tomorrow

Don't be Late

One minute later

Cancel last order. RSM has requested all guard duty personnel to report back camp

by tonight. Please book in by 2359 if you are not already in camp

SHOCKED

SMS him tell him i cannot answer his call cause i was at service. Tell him i will report back to camp by 1am because i still need time to go back pack and then cab back to camp

His reply : NO BARGAIN

Hastily left service and waited for the bus back home

Packed and went to MAC to grab something then took a cab back to camp

What a way to start the new year off

Served my 01 Jan 2008 24hours Guard Duty

Next Day , i didn't even have my 4 hours guard rest after my 24 hour duty

CSM shock us again with stunt

Luckily i was spared cause i had to prepare all the admin portion for the course

Later on , i had coordination meeting at 2pm that day till late which got me worried because still a lot of things not deconflicted yet

Thursday went past rather quickly and i focused on what mattered on hand

Stay till 2200 HRS in office thinking of any course preparation for the first day

Friday had LIVE program in the morning

They introduced interval training

COOL

Something new always eh?

Stand By Area of my bunk before i booked out super late 1820HRS

Rushed to REACHLIGHT

What greeted me in REACHLIGHT was the intense HEAT due to the air con malfunction

I was like in my black ZARA tee , Le Coq Sportif Jacket , Levi Jeans and Adidas Sneakers

Sweat just kept rolling down my face

and i could not concentrate on the worship

Quickly took off my jacket after praise and worship

The sermon was much better than the last one

But there are still rooms for improvements though =)

A few of the cell peeps signed up for a reachlight gathering this coming Jan 19th

Supper with the gang was good

The truth is we all live in this world where we want instant gratification

We want things to *SNAP* and happen

But truth in all , laying the foundation right is very important

Although i still believe in changing what i feel is unacceptable

I am gradually accepting what i cannot change

I will of course support this ministry. Dun worry guys!!

I am worried about the course starting next monday

I feel so unprepared

Like so many things i felt that i have overlooked although i started preparing rather early

My stand is never expect others what you yourself cannot do

How am i supposed to impart and teach them the right attitude and skillsets they need to be a commander when i myself am not in the correct mindset?

I need to be able to answer to myself

Help me LORD

My 2008 Resolution

1)Walk Closer With GOD

2)Give my best for my last course as a instructor

3)Give my best during AESC and learn to the best of my ability

4)IPPT Gold

5)Secure job straight after i ORD

6)Thanking everyone who have made my NS life so much more meaningful and colourful

7)Saving up for my future university daily expenses

8)Spend more time with my family

2007-10-24T07:32:00.000-07:00

Finally having some time to post in here

Recently i have been receiving more and more compliments about my metrosexuality

which i do feel proud of =)

HOWEVER

People tend to have the general misconception that all metrosexual guys are GAY

That is what i seek to address today

NOT everyone who is a metrosexual is a GAY

Before i get deeper in the topic

Let listen to what people think of metrosexual

"A heterosexual male who has a strong aesthetic sense and inordinate interest in
appearance and style, similar to that of homosexual males"

"A kind of description to guys who are concious in their images, styles and are
into fashion trends... dressing and styling themselves with fashion n trendy"

"He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly
immaterial because he has clearly taken himself on as his own love object and
pleasure as his sexual preference."

"The metrosexual, in short, is someone who takes pride in looking good. He has
debunked the assumption that well-groomed men are, for the most part, gay."

"He's confident, and open-minded. He likes looking good for himself and not for
anybody else and, if in the process, he's admired by both sexes, great!"

"Young, trendy, sensitive"

"Man with a sense of fashion and a taste for culture, who loves to shop and look
good, and may be of ambiguous sexual orientation"

In this modern era that we live in , man and woman are equal. If woman can make an effort to make herself Beautiful. Guys should make double that effort since we still have male ego and want to outdo the woman coupled with the inexperience of looking good.

It is not like we plan to be beautiful the moment we reach puberty unlike female (No offence here). Female have always had grand plans of marrying but first they have to attract the bait aye? So how better than becoming the honey that all the bee come swarming after?

"There are no ugly people in this world , only lazy ones."

So make that extra effort to make yourself standout from the crowd. Dun be lazy but put in the extra effort to make yourself look good. Making yourself attractive and desirable to girls

Time have certainly changed. As we all know that change is the only constant. How we react to the change is very important. Weren't girls all supposed to have tissue paper when they go out and guys who brought them termed "sissy"? (Worst if it is a hankerchief)

Now all guys are expected to be the one supplying the tissue. WHY?

Yours truly is embracing the change very well. I love that fact that Guys are expected to look good nowadays. Call it vanity or whatever but i call being Metrosexual a lifestyle

I just love going out there shopping for the newest fashion to add to your collection. Updating your wardrobe, Flaunting it.

Fashion is an ART & ART interest many.

Is so interesting to see how people dress up. Exploring the many styles and adopting other's fashion ideas on yourself

Image is just one part of the equation

You need Style

You need Attitude

You need Confidence

Interesting post so far? I will continue my Metrosexuality's view next week

Who Am I?

2007-10-06T03:18:00.000-07:00

This song ministered to me greatly

Who Am I
by Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

21st Birthday

2007-07-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

3 days of celebrating my 21st Birthday
Thanks all my friends who made it to my BBQ last saturday
Thanks you so much for making it such a special 21st
Thanks for all the love , presents and company
I really treasure each and every one of you people
Special thanks to my family for helping me with the BBQ
Espicially to my cousin, Elina for helping me with most of the food
I have been greatly blessed by you
And i am sorry i made all who came to my BBQ take a 15 minutes walk from the carpark to my BBQ pit that was at the extreme end of the pasir ris park
Also sorry if i didn't managed to enjoy a longer conversation with you
BUSY BUSY
But do date me out to catch up
=)

I also enjoyed myself at church
Thanks all who wished me
And i really mean what i said in my short speech at choir debrief
HAHA
Thank You Choir

July 2nd
Only 4 person
Me , Pris , Daniel & Eugene
HAHA
They made me appear all kid again at Fish & Co
Damn Ma Lu
Die Hard 4.0 was great
Thanks for celebrating for me yet again

More rants to come from this 21st year old

Life Now

2007-05-09T02:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i cannot comprehend my own feeling
Don't understand what to say to express my emotion withins
Sometimes i really can't figure out
I want someone to share my joys and woe with me
I need someone to be there for me
I need someone to cheer me up when i am feeling low
I need someone to call me to ask about my day
I need someone to share my dreams and aspirations
I need someone to enjoy my presence even if i am silent
I need someone to smile with me
I need someone to dance with me
I need someone to dine with me
where is that someone?

Friends

2007-04-02T03:57:00.000-07:00

What exactly are friends?

People who just come and go?

Or people who truly stay with you until the very end?

Sad to say , I've been having more of the first type of friends

Life is quite interesting with the various stages it throw you into

Constrained by various circumstances , we often choose to try breaking free from it

Not wanting to stay entagled in the web

However , as soon as we get freed from it

Somehow or rather , the grass suddenly seems greener on the other side which used to be dark

We are never contented

Sometimes i wished i had better friends

Sometimes i wished i had none

Somehow , my heart choose for me

Whom it cherished and whom it didn't

Close friends ever so close become so distant

Friends i used to hug become people i say hi bye to

Ocassional smiles and a nod of the head

"Wonderful" relationship I shared

Everything seemed so distanced now

Promises i knew could never be kept

Yet it is spoken out easily in just a snap

I grow to regret

I wish i hadn't said such things to people

To make them feel so good about themselves

Yet here i am

A living testimonial of the "friendship" i was supposed to share

Perhaps you are taking me lightly

But Ask Yourself

What have you been doing as a friend in my life?

It wasn't any better off when you left

In fact , it became much worst

Go ahead

Tell lies , stories and more excuses

It ain't going to make a difference

I was better off without you in the first place

Updates

2007-03-10T04:42:00.000-08:00

Suddenly God throws a lot of good things at me

Silver Bayonet
Great Posting (Back To VTW as Admin Spec/Instructor / Lab Manager)
Great Friends Who Will Always Watch My Back
Did A Lot Of Catching Up With My Friends
More Gals In My Life
An Opportunity To Lead
My Fortune Magazine FINALLY Arrived
Movie , KTV and Clubbing With My Future Colleagues On Friday Instead Of Staying In Camp

It is like Mutiple Blessing
One after Another
Hoping This Continues
But I Know That Is Just Day Dreaming

Come Whatever Will Come
I Take It As They Come
Learning To Grow Up More
Doing More
I Want More
Like What Sean Said
"What Human Truly Want is MORE "

Hungry for success

Frustration

2007-01-19T11:01:00.000-08:00

F R U S T R A T I O N
1. Act of frustrating; state of being frustrated
2. An instance of being frustrated
3. Something that frustrates, as an unresolved
problem
4. A feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied
by anxiety or depression, resulting from
unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems
5. Something that serves to frustrate
6. A feeling of annoyance at being hindered or
criticized
7. The condition that results when an impulse or
an action is thwarted by an external or an
internal force
8. The blocking or thwarting of an impulse,
purpose, or action
9. A deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and
dissatisfaction arising from unresolved
problems or unfulfilled needs

One simple word yet there can be many meaning to it
What frustration are you experiencing now?
What does you so angry?
Why are you venting this anger this way?
What makes you so special to be able to express your feeling this way?
Do you think the whole world owe you a living?
Just whining and whining and throwing your tempers
Flaring about and letting it take over you

Slowly you are feeling down and out
The weariness sinks in
You still continue to feel frustrated
Deep inside yourself, you know that it would not solve anything
Yet it made you feel good
You could vent it on someone or something
So many form of expressions

But are you sure that is what you want?
To let everyone know the naked truth
That you are easily annoyed & full of anxiety
GO AHEAD

Show It
Shout it out
Throw it
Let it out
Leave nothing behind

Dun tie yourself to it
Cause you can't anchor the frustrations that you have
Throw it and Anchor your frustration
You can't compare your frustration

You Ain't Nothing Compared To Me

2007

2007-01-02T04:59:00.000-08:00

Me , Idris and Sean Foo @ MTV's Siloso
Beach Party 2006

Ushered the new year with a bang at sentosa
Countdowned with lotsa strangers
Had a lot of fun
Attended my first foam party
Lotsa Drama
Did 2 good deeds

Good Deed No 1

Angela & Me

There was this damsel in distress who was like waiting
for her friends to come bring her into the party. Quite
Poor thing..... and guess what ? She is like uber cute lah
So guess what this knight in shining armour did?
I gave her the extra ticket i had.... took a picture with her
and even got her phone number ^^
Turned out that she was from hong kong

So she managed to go in and find her friends
Saw her again while i was queuing to go into the wet zone
Chatted a bit and she thanked me for the ticket and went to
find her friends....
See ... i am nice... helped a foreigner and made her feel special
Angela Angela Angela
You made my day

Good Deed No 2
Sean's hp was spolit after kewal and soe sann dunk him into
sentosa waters which made him totally no mood to party anymore
So he decided to go home earlier so me , wei jian and idris accompanied
him to get our stuffs from the locker @ the toilet
After retrieving our stuffs, Wei Jian and Idris went back to spend the
F & B Voucher they had remaining
So Sean and me Stood there waiting for them cause Sean couldn't go back
in as he tore his wraistband off
Meanwhile... this malay guy fireman carry this gal who was like uber wasted
then her hp dropped....
the malay guy's friend help to pick it up while the malay guy put the gal
on the floor in front of the 2 entrance of the toilet
He proceeded to cover her mouth forcefully and keep telling her to shut up

I was like "WTF ... is that the way to treat a women?"
Then the 2 malay guy dragged her into the handicap toilet
Fearing for her safety .... i thought that she was going to be raped lah
I tried my luck and push the door to peep into the handicap toilet
Luckily they never latch the door
So i ask
"Your Friend?"
"Better dun try anything funny"

Then the guy came rushing out
and said that she was his girl and violently shouted at me
"what you say?"
"Don't try anything funny?"
"You got a problem?"
"i am not afraid of letting you see what i am doing "
"The way you say things ... u better watch your mouth"

which i replied to
"Hey ... look here... i am not trying to find problem with anyone
Since she is your girl ... then better take good care of her and dun try
anything funny ... that all i mean"

After which he backed off and proceed to put a brick to stop
the door from closing so everyone could see what was happening
inside

BAH

While this incident was going on... all everyone did was to look
Onlookers indeed

This girl came towards me and said "It was still nice of you to have checked"
Before returning to her group of girlfriends... about 6-8 of them all clad in bikinis
Vroom.... some of her friends are darn HOT

Sean Foo dared me to ask for their number when i go back in to dance
Say i sure have chance
LOL

GUESS WHAT?

i didn't

Accompanied Sean
See.. i am a SUPER NICE GUY
Never Leave my friend behind

After coming back ... Idris and Wei Jian and me went to see
the photo that were taken by photographer armed with a SLR
It Costed $10 to print it out
But we didn't buy cause felt the photo not really very outstanding

Sean , Idris and Wei Jian left shortly and i went to chill with Soe Sann,
Kewal and friends at the beach.....
The whole experience was totally cool
Thanks FunkyGrads For The Free Invites
Thanks My Friends For Making This 2007 Countdown Party Special
Thanks Everyone who bothered to wished me a Happy New Year
Thanks the DJ for the great music
Thanks for the weather
Thanks God for what he has done in my life and his plans for me this coming 2007

Death Note

2006-12-25T02:33:00.000-08:00

Just Watch Death Note 2 With James , Jun Yong , Kian Hoon , Qiao E

Wish i had one right now

With the Death God on my Side,

I shall bring forth Light

People will die the way i want them to

Die

Not in such a unsightly way

I see Art in Death & Murder

Let me see your naked body

As i have written down in my deathnote

Perhaps one day , i might get what i want

This time, it will be a death blog

And you , You , You and You will be next

Back To Reality

2006-11-25T09:54:00.000-08:00

I S O L A T I O N
1: a state of separation between persons or groups
2: the act of isolating something; setting something apart from others
3: a feeling of being disliked and alone
4: preference for seclusion or isolation
5: (psychiatry) a defense mechanism in which memory of an unacceptable act or impulse is separated from the emotion originally associated with it
7. an act or instance of isolating.
8.the state of being isolated.
9.the complete separation from others of a person suffering from contagious or infectious disease; quarantine.
10.the separation of a nation from other nations by isolationism.
11.Psychoanalysis. a process whereby an idea or memory is divested of its emotional component

One simple word yet there can be so many meaning to it
What does isolation mean to you now?
Perhaps you are experiencing just one of the many forms of isolation just like me
Do your heart feel void?
Do you feel as if the whole world is against you but yet you choose to fight it all alone?
Or Have you just lost someone dear and needed some time alone?
Perhaps even choosing to be apart from the rest because you are different?
But Are You Really That Different From The Rest?

Why choose to isolate yourself when you know that it will not help the matter?
Does isolation solve problems?
Does isolation make things appear again?
Does isolation take the pain away?
Or do you just continue cutting yourself
Bit by Bit
Lil by Lil
Till the blood start flowing and flowing
Meanwhile..... You enter into a state of isolation where no one can reach you
But is this isolation?
Or just your own pathetic form of escape?

Reality will Snap back at you just like THAT (SNAP FINGER)

So now what?
You are staring at your bloody wrist again
You start to shiver ........
Brrrrrrhhhhhh.... brrrrrrrhhhhh...
Yes Yes
I KNOW YOU ARE COLD
Almost As Cold As Me
Be Glad or Sad

You Ain't Nothing Compared To Me